Unbreakable Umbrella

I collect umbrellas. One day I realized I didn’t really collect anything, and so I figured since I live in Vancouver, BC where it rains 300 days a year (or at least seems to) that umbrellas might be a good thing to collect. The latest addition to my collection is The Unbreakable Walking-Stick Umbrella from Never-Thought-Of-It-Enterprises.

I ordered this mainly because I tend to break umbrellas, or have them broken for me by my minions, and I had just “lost” one of my favorites prior to stumbling upon the ad again. So how does this bad boy stack up? Pretty well, I must admit.

Produced as a self-defense tool, this umbrella is made from heavier than typical gauge metal and is notably reinforced along the “ribs” in one of the better designed arrays I’ve seen. Check this out:

My tests have not been as extreme, but I can say that this puppy held up just fine to my beating and would be a handy thing to have — just in case. Certainly in the hands of a person trained to defend themselves, this would be an incredibly useful tool. It has the additional benefit of not being a weapon. It is a fully functional, completely normal umbrella, just one that is particularly well-made. Top marks for design and utility.

Blade Runner Umbrella

My first umbrella for my collection has arrived! The “Blade Runner” Umbrella was purchased from ThinkGeek. Here’s the promo copy:

Cross now… cross now….

Early in the 21st Century, the Tyrell Corporation advanced robot evolution into the Nexus phase – a being virtually identical to a human – known as a Replicant. They’re all around you, even now. That guy next to you? He’s a Replicant. How do we know? He’s walking the streets in the rain with no umbrella. That, and he failed the Voight-Kampff.

In the pre-apocalyptic future, the air will be so thick, it will be dark in the middle of the day. Coupled with the almost constant rain, you’ll need to find a way to stay dry and light your way to the noodle shop down the street.

Even if you don’t live in a quasi-futuristic Los Angeles and you aren’t a Blade Runner, you can still have the coolest umbrella on the street. With a push of a button, the shaft lights up, illuminating you and your path. Now, even in the darkest of nights, you’re a lot more visible to the cars on the street, making your long walk home through the rain a lot safer.

At $25 it is about the same as a regular full sized umbrella. I took it out for the first time today in Vancouver’s accommodating rainy weather. I did get a few looks, and the shaft does give off a nice blue glow. Clearly, not as generous as the picture, but then I didn’t expect that. It seems to have an LED in the base of the handle, with silken or narrow white plastic diffusion stings running up the center of a hollow lucite shaft, which extends somewhat beyond the canopy. As expected it is quite bright around the handle, with diminishing candles as the light travels up the shaft. I look forward to trying it at night, when I think the illumination will be more than adequate for the effect desired. Lucky me, I think we have a new moon tonight.

It has a wider than normal shaft, and while not unbreakable, I do notice that it has a noticeable stiffness when held. Of particular note, is a robust opening and closing mechanism which adds to a sense of good construction. Your basic black canopy is a little on the lightweight side, but handles water nicely and is itself reinforced by an extra set of spindles at each vein. I expect it will resist “turn out” from the wind a fair amount better than your normal brolly.

A good, fair deal from ThinkGeek.

UMBRELLA ACADEMY UMBRELLA

In conjunction with the second series of The Umbrella Academy, conceived and written by Gerard Way (of My Chemical Romance) with interior art by Eisner Award-nominated artist Gabriel Bå, I bring you The Umbrella Academy umbrella!

I could not resist buying The Umbrella Academy umbrella. I just finally read the first collection of Umbrella Academy graphic novels, and I really liked them. Plus, I’ve just decided to collect umbrellas, so this one will be my second purchase and can probably be my day-to-day umbrella. As the ad copy says, “With the Umbrella icon on the four white exterior panels and the logo printed on the interior, this is a striking umbrella: impressive-looking, fun, and useful!”

Some cover artwork from the series.

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UPDATE: Item has arrived and works per specs. nicely done with icons as shown and UA graphic on inside of canopy.

Rainy Nights, Bad Neighborhood II

I give you the Umbuster, for your next walk from the bus stop in front of the porn shop to your worn-out studio apartment on the downtown east side.

This take-no-prisoners umbrella/knuckle duster will also keep the pervs off you on the loser cruiser, but might attract unwanted attention from the soldier of fortune types.

The perfect accessory for the girl on the go, it runs about $300 and features a heavy metal CNC die-cut machined grip perfect for making a good “first impression.”

Buy It Here from Sruli Recht in Reykjavik.

UPDATE: I have ordered this badboy and decided to start an umbrella collection. M has been on me for year for not being a collector of any kind. Now that we live in Vancouver (where it rains 300 days a year) this seems like a good thing to collect. Pics when it arrives.

This calls for adding a new category: Umbrella