Emergency Succession Planning: The Magic Bus

I once worked for a company that had the company parking lot across a city park and an awkwardly curving and fast street. On more than one occasion I nearly stepped in front of the #15 bus in a dreary haze either to or from the office to my car. It was like this bus would magically appear out of nowhere and nearly run me down. It was about this time that I came up with the “Magic Bus” contingency for emergency succession planning. Over the years I revised it as I gained an executive viewpoint. Here are some thoughts on a still-evolving plan.

1. Nobody wants to talk about it – you are on your own
I’ve never found a Board or a senior staff seriously interested in discussion succession planning. There are always more pressing matters and some people either think you are a) gunning for them, or; b) morbid.  Nothing could be further from the truth. Ask this of your senior staff or Board:  Do you have life insurance? Do you want all your hard work to be for nothing?  I had a CFO who just would not discuss this until I pointed out that without a “how to” binder from her, I could guarantee we’d decimate her ledgers and chart of accounts before she could get out of the hospital. Show me a CFO who doesn’t believe that!

So here’s the deal. Start at the top. Bosslady, clearly define who’s in charge if you get hit by the “magic bus”. Face it, if the bosslady gets hit by a bus, a general freak0ut it guaranteed. Better have figured out who’s got keys to the castle, so to speak.

For senior staff, I like to let them choose, with the boss getting a veto. I believe that the marketing director knows better who can pick up the ball and keep the PR game on better than anyone.  Let him pick who does what if he gets whacked.

2.  Go through job description and pick out the absolutely critical functions that need coverage in the first 24 hours, 3 days, a week, a month, or a business cycle.  You may find (as I did) that in the first 24 hours, the critical functions are FAR different than they are on a longer time-frame, and that the middle of the timeline is actually the hardest to manage.  To make you job easier, focus on no more than the first three days.  This should give you breathing room to get the team in one room to regroup.

3.  Focus on IT and communications. Does someone have all the passwords they need to get in your files? Can the staff get in and change your outgoing voice mail quickly? Does someone have the Board President’s vacation home and cell phone number? Is marketing prepared to release a statement to the press if needed? Do front-line sales people know who’s in charge if he bosslady takes a dive? Get this in line and review/revise your IT security and crisis press procedures at the same time!

4.  Consider a crisis management team. There’s probably a reason the bosslady is boss and not Mr. What’s His Name, who is now pressed into service.  Support your interim leader with a small team of senior staff and no more than three board members. Your interim needs support on areas of inexperience, and needs the backing of the Board for any unusual decisions to be made.

5. Backfill as you go up the ladder.  If the bosslady goes down, consider it “all hands on deck” time.  Remember if you are filling in for the higher ups, some things will get dropped to deal with it.  You are best advised to pass along some duties downstream. This will lead to the next level of planning on down the organizational chart.

6. Awkward situations can be avoided if you work a policy in advance that if you must fill-in for a higher up, a pay adjustment kicks in after X number of days.  There will be a tremendous amount of work to do. Nobody should be worried about whether or not they’ll be compensated.  If no additional compensation is to be had, make that clear.  People just need to know.

7. Don’t make things difficult. Start small. A little plan is better than none. I once had my senior staff start by simply writing a note to be read in case they were hit by a bus. I asked them, “Tell us what we need to know if you get hit by a bus.”  For some people it was surprising to learn that it was less about files and to-do lists and more about relationships that needed to be maintained.  This little exercise saved us a huge amount of time and helped us focus on what really needed to be addressed, rather than what we might have guessed based on a job description.

Like checklists? T here are some excellent check lists from the Centre for Nonprofit Advancement (www.nonprofitadvancement.org)

 

 

 

Social Media Planning

Social media planning? What a nightmare. Where to start? Some people dive in and figure it out as they go, and some people plan and plan and plan.  Well, here’s my suggestions having first deciding to dive in:  

 1.    Determine your message
What are you trying to say? Do you have more than one message? Develop a short paragraph that encapsulates what you want to say and continually reference it as you work on social media tools. Here’s a sample:

Our Company is a vibrant and innovative company integrally engaged with its community.

2. Determine who your audience is
Who is your audience? Are they tech savvy? Creating a plan to enter the social media arena is irrelevant if none of your audience will follow you there. Consider surveying your patrons to determine how they want to hear from you. Here’s a sample:

Audience is defined as those tech savvy, moderately to minimally engaged supporters.

3. Develop goals
What do you want to achieve from social media? Sales? Donations? Awareness? Determine your goals and remember to keep them handy as you progress. Sample:

Goal is to increase awareness, engagement, purchase behavior, and media coverage.

4. Determine the exact ROI you are expecting
This goes hand in hand with #3. Get specific about the return on investment you are expecting. If you want sales or donations, what’s the amount? If you are looking for new supporters, how many? Some suggested measures:

Awareness measure:  awareness polling in key demographics. Really simple to do on-line now.

Engagement measure:  volunteers, purchase, donation, attendance, buzz, commentary, memberships, info requests, content creation.

Purchase behavior:  measure number of new to file purchases as % of total purchases for each product.  While some products will sell more new to file due to their popularity, an overall positive trend is targeted.  Segment purchasers by use of medium-specific promo codes.

Wider media coverage:  List media outlets targeted and measure column inches or mentions.

5. Research and determine which social media tools work for you
There are multiple social media tools out there. It’s important to determine which ones work for you. Signing up for everything isn’t going to be the best use of your time. It may be a good idea to see what your competition is doing, the make a conscious decision to either beat them or out-maneuver them.  Whatever your plan, make sure it jives with your overall marketing and company plans.

Here’s a blog-centered media plan. It may not be appropriate for you, but note how each tool is fully explained:

Blog:  “Hub of Activity”  “Center of Engagement”  Used for multimedia, content-rich material.  Customized and repurposed company- generated material, and “pulls” from industry sources.  This medium seems to have long tail.  Rules for content:  informative, interesting, timely, engaging, vibrant, creative, innovative.  Measure:  # visitors, #unique visitors, Time on site, #of subscribers, traffic sources. Voice: Informal as with friends

Facebook:  “Postcard from the company”  “Center for Awareness” used to sample, tease, redirect.  Used for network building, like a yearbook of fans.  Largely re-purposed company-generated material.  Medium seems to have 30 day tail.  Rules for content:  Interesting, sample-sized, compelling enough to redirect.  Measure:  #friends, #visits in past 30 days.  Voice:  Conversational as with friends of friends

Flickr:  “That’s Me!”  “Visual Cue for Branding” Used for photos that reinforce brand image as vibrant, innovative, engaged company.  Imagine as 21^st Century. “society page”.  Company-generated material used to generate desire to be a part of activities.  Medium seems to have six week tail.  Rules for content:  Engaging, vibrant, creative, innovative.  Measure:  #views, #contacts, #tags or comments.  Voice:  Trendy as in coffee house conversation among younger demographic.

Twitter “That’s Interesting” “Community Switchboard” Used to attract tech savvy base and facilitate two-way communication.  Ask “what do you think?”, and “How are we doing?”.  Company-generated material and news/gossip.  Medium seems to have very short tail (1 day).  Rules for content:  Interesting, Immediate, Necessary.  Measure:  #followers, #RT’s in last 10 days, #responses to tweets in last 10 days.  Voice:  Hip, almost irreverent

YouTube “Brand Endorsement”  “Brand Sampling” Used for video that reinforce brand image as vibrant, innovative, engaged company.  Imagine as video sampler.  Company-generated and repurposed material.  Medium seems to have long tail.  Rules for content:  Interesting, engaging, informative, evocative of brand experience.  Measure # video views, #subscribers to channel.  Voice:  Conversational, as with those just met.

Homepage “The Mothership”  “Source of Record”  Used for text heavy materials and serves as official formal voice of corporation.  The Newspaper of Record or Voice of the Boss or Board.  Medium seems to have long tail.  Rules for content:  Official, actionable, accurate, purposeful.  Voice:  Formal

6. Create a strategy
Developing a strategy for your social media activity is extremely important. You need to determine what content you want to create and where you want to put it. The question you need to answer is “Once we have them, what do we do with them?” For example:

Drive all activity to blog first, then to homepage for purchase and engagement activities.

7. Create the analysis method and benchmarks
What is your method for analysis? It’s important to track if you are achieving the ROI that you want. Over what time do you expect to see a change? Is this time period relevant to your sales or production period? Is this timeline supportable with the resources given?

See Measures in Section 5 above for each medium.

8. Determine the main contributor as well as any sub-contributors
Who is writing the content for your social media site(s)? Is the same person posting all of them? Is there more than one person contributing? Hashing this out ahead of time will make the process flow much smoother.

9. Develop content ahead of time and determine how often you will update
Create some of the content you need ahead of time so you aren’t scrambling to find something to post/write about every day. Create a stockpile of relevant info. Use any scheduler function available to queue up content for peak traffic times. Here’s an example of a possible policy for posting content:

Post every 24 to 30 hours.  Repurpose all content.

Assume targeted 30 day  (4-5 week) news cycle for wider awareness content pieces.

10. Develop a response procedure
What’s your procedure if you receive a negative comment from someone, or a positive one? Determine how you handle questions and comments in advance.  Here is one example:

Screen all comments if possible before allowing to post.

Negatives: head of communications responds within 2 hours.

Positive: person responsible for the channel responds immediately.

An immediate response is critical. Equally critical is transparency.

So long as comment is not obscene or abusive, consider posting.

That really is about it. Ten steps to a social media plan.  Any one of these could be expanded into a post, but really, this isn’t rocket surgery.  Like I mentioned at the top, I jumped in feet first, made mistakes, flailed around, and swam back to shore multiple times.  I was fortunate to have a supportive organization and an almost competition-free marketplace as an early adopter.

Here are some final words of advice:  Listen. Learn. Ask questions. Be respectful. Be transparent.

Consider those five things your life ring as you jump into the ocean of social media.

OK, if you read down this far, you deserve a treat:

Sensible Social Media Policy

A Sensible Social Media Policy

Setting up Social Media - Social media identities, logon ID’s and user names may not use the company name, or imply that you speak in an official capacity for the company.

Don’t forget your day job – Don’t let social media interfere with your job.

Don’t Tell Secrets – You are bound by confidentiality.  Don’t cite or reference patron info, financial info or other confidential info.
 

Do Be Yourself - Do not blog or comment anonymously, using pseudonyms or false screen names. But also be smart about protecting yourself and your privacy. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, but do so respectfully.

Do Be Honest - If you have a vested interest in something you are discussing, point it out.  Use your real name, be clear who you are, and identify that you work for the company if it is germane to the conversation, and be sure to make it clear that the views and opinions expressed are yours alone and do not represent the official views of the company. Then, it would probably be a good idea to let someone know at work about the conversation/debate/argument/flame-war, the last of which you hopefully avoided.

Do Respect Copyright – It is critical that you show proper respect for the laws governing copyright and fair use.

Do Own Up to Mistakes – If you make an error, be up front about your mistake and correct it quickly. If you choose to modify an earlier post, make it clear that you have done so.

Do Think About Consequences – Once again, it’s all about judgment: using your blog to trash or embarrass the company, our patrons, or your co-workers, is ill-advised. You’d be surprised how small the internet is when you do that.

Controversial Issues – The public in general, and the company’s employees and patrons, reflect a diverse set of customs, values and points of view.  You don’t have to share them, but please respect them, even if you choose to argue against them.

Company Issues – Don’t contradict the company website regarding company information. If you see an error on the website, contact the person responsible, so it can be fixed. If you see misrepresentations made about the company in the media, you may point that out. Always do so with respect and with the facts. Avoid arguments. Let PR or the appropriate person know about it.

Disclaimers – Many social media users include a disclaimer saying who they work for, but that they’re not speaking officially. This is good practice and is encouraged, but don’t count on it to avoid trouble – it may not have much legal effect.

Enforcement – Policy violations may be subject to disciplinary action, up to and including termination for cause.

T-Virus Outbreak Emergency Procedures

Appendix T: T-Virus Outbreak

For the purposes of these procedures a T-Virus is defined as a contagious illness outbreak that results not only in effects similar to those normally found in zombies, but also includes mutation effects in 35 percent or more of the population infected  For lower level infectious disease outbreaks or those without mutation, refer to Illness Outbreak – local, small scale or Zombie Apocalypse.

This plan assumes a viral disease which is a blood contact contagion with a fatality rate of 100% of those infected. Unlike other contagions, the T-Virus is effective on both living and dead human hosts, complicating eradication efforts. In addition, unlike zombies, those infected with the T-Virus often display mutation, combined with increased speed, endurance and persistence in obtaining their goal – fuel in the form of human flesh.

Potential Issues:

With T-Virus in 35 percent of the population, businesses should expect up to 25 percent of their staff to be away from work in the peak period of infection. Some will be infected, and others will be fleeing populated areas or barricading themselves in their homes. There may also be school closures and other pandemic-related public health measures that effect the work force. These efforts will be compromised due to a lack of information from public sources, as it is likely that the true nature of the infection will be concealed. Furthermore, history has shown that national governments will resort to “sterilizing” the area of infection using nuclear weapons in as little as seven days.

First Signs:

The next T-Virus is expected to emerge outside of Canada (the majority of new pandemic strains emerge in Asia) and to arrive in Canada within a period of three weeks. It could arrive at any time of year. The first peak of illness could occur within two to four weeks after the virus arrives in Canada; the first peak in deaths can be expected approximately one week later. The pandemic will likely last 12 to 18 weeks, and may include up to three waves of illness during that period. Each wave of illness is expected to last between six and eight days barring any “sterilization” efforts as noted above.

Stage 1:  Aware and Alert

All staff are directed to remain aware and alert to emergent T-Virus scenarios communicated via the mass and/or social media.  In particular, bi-lingual staff with Mandarin and Cantonese skills are urged to monitor reports (particularly unofficial reports) of unusually violent suppression by Red Army units of small, localized citizen uprisings. In addition, all staff is urged to report any noticeable but unannounced emergency planning arising in the public sector, such as increased security around public facilities or unexplained appearances of military forces in suburban areas.

Once aware of an emergent T-Virus outbreak staff may have as little as three hours to react.  Senior staff should add T-Virus planning to their meeting schedules and discuss with all staff measures to be taken to reduce the risk of contracting or spreading the contagion.  Vaccination, TVP if available, is advised. Senior staff should be briefed on the contents of the “SOLAR kits” as outlined in Appendix Z (Zombie Apocalypse).

Stage 2:  Prepared and Poised

Stage 2 of the plan can be put into effect once the T-Virus has been identified in Vancouver.  As an international travel hub and port, Vancouver is a likely early transmission point for any outbreak.

Staff should retrieve and distribute contents of the Z-kits as detailed elsewhere in this document. Staff should assume a 25% absenteeism rate due to staff being out of position or victims of infection.  No allowance should be made for late-arriving staff, as they are a likely source of infection and security breach.

Facilities liaison and office management staff should institute increased security, as outlined in the Stockade of Last Absolute Resort (SOLAR) section of Appendix Z (Zombie Apocalypse).

Stage 3:  Infected but Intact

Facilities staff should distribute the items found in the SOLAR kit.  Distribution of these items should be based on staff training, prior experience with such items and a willingness to deploy them as required.  A quick inventory of staff health, supplies and fortification should be conducted by senior staff.

The General Director will determine when, if appropriate, to leave the stockade. It should be noted that sterilization efforts by national authorities have included quarantine of infected areas, and destruction of those areas after as few as seven days if the infection is not brought under control.

The SOLAR, while well-suited for defense, is not adequate as a shelter against sterilization efforts as have been previously deployed. With this in mind, a detailed set of  ”as built” plans of the below-grade portions of the building, including access points to the mid-twentieth century steam tunnels originally used to heat the older portion of the building, has been included in the SOLAR kit. In addition, a late twentieth century schematic of this steam tunnel system, which runs throughout the downtown core, has been included.

PLEASE NOTE: While the accuracy of the map of the building systems has been verified, the security of these sections of the building has not.  In addition, the accuracy of the downtown schematic is impossible to verify.  Extreme caution should be exercised if this option is chosen. Good luck and Godspeed.

Further reading:

Tyrant Virus: http://residentevil.wikia.com/Tyrant_virus

Umbrella Corp: http://projectumbrella.net/

Tao of Management: Verse VII

“Heaven endures and the earth abides.” This is one of the biggies of Taoism; that by putting others first, you serve yourself best, that by showing you are at their service that you lead others best.

Verse VII

HEAVEN lasts long, and Earth abides.
What is the secret of their durability?
Is it not because they do not live for themselves
That they can live so long?

Therefore, the Sage wants to remain behind,
But finds himself at the head of others;
Reckons himself out,
But finds himself safe and secure.
Is it not because he is selfless
That his Self is realised?

My version

Heaven endures and the earth abides
Patience and Service embodies your action
And by living for others you live forever

Put others first to be a true leader
Work for the success of others and you will find yourself successful
To find yourself, abandon yourself in service to others

There really isn’t much more to say. The Tao is very clear. It is only by serving others and bringing out their best that we truly bring out our own best performance and serve our purpose in life.

The Unlevels

Courtesy of Sean P. “Love” Sullivan, a Vancouver area trio The Unlevels was discovered by me today. I mean I just discovered they exist, not that I “discovered” them. It seems they played a Tsunami benefit recently. In keeping with a recent interest in cauc-asian bands, let’s see if I can embed a song of theirs I like.

http://www.myspace.com/music/song-embed?songid=79598167&getSwf=true

Find more The Unlevels songs at Myspace Music

UPDATE: Yup, Ok, that sort of works; not like I intended (you bounce out) but the link is good.

For more on The Unlevels visit them at the only place it seems you can hear them today. Until they get their website built at least. [CLICK HERE]

The Unlevels are:
Kristina Yballe – bass, vocals
Brian Chan – guitar, vocals
Erik Campbell – drums

They work out of Vancouver, BC and are currently unsigned. Never met them or seen them live but they seem nice…

And yes, they do sort of remind me of The Naked and Famous…but that’s not a bad thing in my book.

Oh and they have the obligatory FB page and @theunlevels on the tweeter.

Boris – New Music From Japan

While I have an abiding love of some things Japanese, I am by no means a great fan of Japanese music. Courtesy of friend Chris Walters, however I have one band to add to a very short list I do like: Boris

First up: You Were Holding an Umbrella

There’s a real sonic switch at about 4:00 if you’d like to jump ahead

Or you can go straight to the video that Chris tipped me off to:  Pink

Which has some great drum and guitar work

Finally, someone to add to Mimi Unagi…

Is Your Nonprofit In Good Financial Health?

Reading nonprofit financial statements

 

This primer has been created to assist board members in reading and analysis of financial statements of a typical non-profit arts organization.  It assumes no prior experience. Any board member can (and should) be able to do these types of analysis. Senior management should be able to speak to all of them within the context of current operations and strategic decisions.

 

Operating Statement:

This is generally a line-item document showing revenue and expenses in all the major categories of operation.  It might be presented at each meeting of the board.

What Matters:

“Net Revenue” line. It should be a positive number.  If not, it means there are more expenses than revenues this year and borrowing or cash reserves have been used to meet expenses.

Compare the “Budget” column to “Current Projection” to see how different the current expectations are to the original budget.  The “Variance to Budget” column shows how much it varies.  They can vary widely, and it may be worth asking why.

Compare “Variance to Prior Projection” It shows how much projections have changed since last reported.  The numbers should be small, and if not should be commented on.

Look at “YTD Actual”.  Shows “year to date” brought in or spent for that item.  The number should be smaller than or equal to “Current Projection” line.

 

Balance Sheet

This shows how the company is doing overall as a snapshot in time.  It lists Assets, Liabilities and Fund Balance.

What Matters:

Fund Balance (also known as Net Assets): This number should be positive.  Fund balance is the accumulated amount of assets you have over and above your liabilities.

Current Assets vs. Current Liabilities:  Compare Current Assets, to Current Liabilities. There are two tests you can run to determine financial health:

Current Ratio. Divide Current Assets by Current Liabilities.  Goal is a result of at least $1.00, meaning you have adequate assets on hand to meet current liabilities.

Acid Test.  Divide Cash alone by Current Liabilities.  Goal is a result of at least $1.00, meaning you have adequate cash on hand to meet current liabilities.  This number may fluctuate wildly during the normal business cycle.

Comparing similar periods, the numbers should generally be about the same unless the company has changed its producing or fundraising schedules.

 

Cash Flow Statements

This shows cash in (receipts) vs. cash out (disbursements), typically on a monthly basis.  It can project how long cash will meet expenses before having to borrow or dip into cash reserves.  Most companies have negative cash flow in some months (more money went out this month than came in), and this is normal.

What Matters:

Look at “Net Change in Period”.  A negative number should generally be less than the current assets you have at the time.  (See the balance sheet)  If the net change in period is larger than current assets, it may mean that the company is borrowing money or dipping into cash reserves to get by in that period.

Look at “Balance at End of Period”. This number should be positive.  If this line is negative it means the company had to borrow or dip into cash reserves to meet expenses.

Cash flow should be positive: when subscription money is coming in ahead of the season starting; when the company is closing a very popular show; or when money is being raised ahead of project needs.

Cash flow is often negative: just before the start of the subscription campaign for next season; just about the time rehearsals start for the next show; or anytime a large project begins that you’re still raising money for.

 

How to Read Nonprofit Financial Statements

How to Read Nonprofit Financial Statements

Four Measures of Financial Health

I have found that many well-meaning board members for nonprofits don’t know how to read financial statements and simply write them off as the responsibility of the bankers, accountants or “numbers people” on the Board. Fortunately every board member has a fiduciary duty and there’s no reason they cannot learn these simple methods of reading the balance sheet of their organization to see if their company is in good financial health.

Quarterly financial statements including balance sheets should be available on a timely basis to any board member so that they may adequately execute their responsibilities.  These statements should provide adequate information to do the following calculations and management should be able to speak to the industry norms and organizational benchmarks for each metric, so as to provide a context for analysis.

Four key measures of financial health for nonprofits are:

Working Capital – consists of unrestricted resources available for operations, plus any restricted working capital reserves.  Adequate working capital provides financial strength and flexibility to a company and the ability to meet obligations as they come due.  Each company must determine its own working capital needs.  An increasing (positive) trend in proportion to an  increase in operating budget is a healthy trend.  Negative ratio shows a drawing on deferred revenues, lines of credit, or “aged payables”.

 

Working Capital = Unrestricted net assets – Fixed assets (net) – Unrestricted investments + Temporarily restricted or Permanently restricted working capital reserves.

 

Working Capital Ratio = Working capital/Total expenses

 

Invested Capital – includes assets usually invested long term, approximates reserves and endowment, and may be unrestricted, temporarily restricted or permanently restricted.  Income from invested capital is generally available for operations or specific purposes.  Each company must determine its own invested capital needs.  An increasing trend in proportion to increases in operating budget is a healthy trend.

 

Invested Capital = Total investments (endowment and reserves)

 

Invested Ratio = Total investments/Total expenses

 

Fixed Assets – includes all land, building, equipment, and other fixed assts owned by company.  The amount should be tailored to the needs of the company.  A declining trend is a healthy trend in many cases.  A deferred maintenance indicator greater than 15 years may indicate a need to invest in plant/facilities. A deferred maintenance indicator greater than 6 years may indicate a need to invest in equipment.

 

Fixed Assets = Total property & equipment – accumulated depreciation

 

Deferred Maintenance Indicator = Accumulated depreciation/Depreciation expense

 

Debt – includes all short term and long term contractual obligations of the company, such as notes, bonds, and leases payable. Debt must be actively managed and should be closely tied to organizational mission, rather than consequences of prior actions or failures. As noted below, a debt ratio alone will not provide an adequate indicator, but must be compared to one or more of the other metrics mentioned above and strategic and operational matters.  A declining trend, however is typically a good indicator.

 

Debt = Notes payable + Bonds payable + Capital leases payable + Lines of credit

Debt Ratio:  Many models exist but few are indicative of financial health alone.

 

These four key measures of financial health are provided as a basis for quick analysis, and should be coupled with a discussion with management regarding operational and strategic factors that may play a role in any analysis.  Board members, funders, and senior staff are wise to keep these measures close at hand as an ongoing tool to take a snapshot of financial health of their nonprofit organization.

To thrive as a cause, you must survive as a business.

Futakuchi Onna 二口女

Futakuchi Onna by Christina M.

It’s been a little while since I talked about Yokai, the Japanese monsters that have crept into my consciousness of late. My favorite at the moment is Futakuchi Onna, the “Two Mouthed Woman”.  I like to think of her as a cousin to Harionago.

Did you ever know a woman who seemed to never eat? Or have you ever noticed how quickly the treats in the company kitchen seem to disappear, although nobody claims to have eaten them? If so, you may have met Futakuchi Onna.

She appears a normal, even beautiful woman, with long silken hair.  When offered food, she will decline, or eat only a meager portion. Her curse and misfortune however, is to have a fully functional second mouth on the back of her head, hidden beneath her hair.  Worse still, this mouth is insatiable, and if not fed will mumble obscenities and insults, and eventually start to scream and torment the woman.  At some point, the demon woman’s hair will begin to act of its own accord, snaking out to grab utensils and food in an attempt to appease the second mouth.  Unlike Harionago, Futakuchi can been seen as more a curse victim than a demon, although I’d not want to get between that hair or that mouth and some jin deui, if you know what I mean.

There are a number of folk tales about how a Futakuchi Onna comes to be. Here’s my tale:

A young woman, terrible shy and sensitive about her appearance is married off young to a terrible, abusive miser.  He berates her night and day, and heckles her about eating him out of house and home, despite her near starvation. Then one day after bringing him refreshment while he is chopping wood, the poor girl is struck in the back of head by his axe as she walks away.

The wound, while not deep, does knock her unconscious, and when she awakens, she has changed.  A second mouth has appeared beneath her hair on the back of her head where the wound once was.  It whispers obscenely about how poorly she is treated, and swears it cannot tell a lie.  And it demands to be fed.  The young woman tries to maintain her dignity, but occasionally the miser catches snatches of rude comments by the second mouth as the woman turns away. The young woman swears she’s said nothing and suggests his age is catching up with him.

As time passes, the miser notices that his food stores are disappearing faster than they normally would.  Keeping an eye on his wife and a sharp tongue ready to chastise her for overeating, he waits and watches.  But he sees nothing, in fact it seems that his beautiful wife eats hardly at all.  Claiming to go to the city one day, he sneaks back to the house.  As he nears he hears someone berating his wife for not sticking up for herself, and his wife weeping in the kitchen.  Peering through the window, he sees her in her fully Futakuchi form, her many tentacles of hair feeding the demon mouth as fast as they can, while the woman weeps, and the mouth between bites unleashes a string of profanities about the miser that cut him to the quick.

From that day forward the miser never speaks an unkind word to his wife, and keeps his pantry well-stocked to avoid the wrath of the Futakichi Onna and possibly his fate as a soul devoured by the demon mouth of his sweet bride.

This beautiful, modern take on Futakuchi Onna by Christina M. (above) can only be found on her deviantART page so click here to see more.

And keep an eye on the M&Ms…

Tao of Management: Verse VI

The mysterious feminine and management principles. Taoism is pretty specific in saying the feminine is the root of all existence:

Verse VI

The Spirit of the Fountain dies not.
It is called the Mysterious Feminine.
The Doorway of the Mysterious Feminine
Is called the Root of Heaven-and-Earth.

Lingering like gossamer, it has only a hint of existence;
And yet when you draw upon it, it is inexhaustible.

 

 

 

 

My version:

The female spirit is the root of all existence
It is barely noticeable but is in all things

It is within you, as it is in everybody
Call on it, and it will never fail you

Since the Tao is so straightforward, I will be too.  If you want to be a good manager, pay attention to how both men and women manage people.  Call upon the skills you saw your mother use in managing her household and her husband and children. Consider whatever you think as “feminine” might be a good approach to a business decision or HR situation.  This verse is ripe for platitudes, so I will stop here tonight with one last suggestion.  When in doubt, call your mom, you might be surprised.

Tao of Management: Verse V

Today we look at how Taoism advises against straw dogs and sentimentality.

Verse V

HEAVEN-and-Earth is not sentimental;
It treats all things as straw-dogs.
The Sage is not sentimental;
He treats all his people as straw-dogs.

Between Heaven and Earth,
There seems to be a Bellows:
It is empty, and yet it is inexhaustible;
The more it works, the more comes out of it.
No amount of words can fathom it:
Better look for it within you.

 

My interpretation

The universe does not care
About you or your theories
About your personal problems
Or the latest gossip

Something greater is at work
Something that cannot be reduced
To the latest theory or management fad
Look within yourself to find the truth

I think rather than focusing on treating your employees like straw-dogs, I might simply suggest that you take the personalities out of your management issues.  I think this might seem counter-intuitive, to take the humans out of human resources. However, if you can have at least some reflection on the issues at hand without personalities or policies, you may find some insight.

You may find that by taking out the humans, you uncover systems, rules, or corporate culture is creating the problem, and that the employees really are straw dogs for underlying issues you need to resolve.  If so, get these employees involved in the solution, and be up front with them about your thoughts.

On the other hand, I once had a manager who couldn’t produce. Turned out this manager treated their employees badly, so they didn’t work hard enough in response.  Despite seniority, it was the manager that needed the attitude adjustment on how to treat (much younger) employees, not the other way around.  I this instance I believe it was wise to not rest on ceremony (seniority rules) but let this manager know that seniority would not protect bad behavior.

Translation (as always) from John H. C. Wu

Prosser vs. Kloppenburg Prediction

Kloppenburg could win, statistically speaking.  Here’s why:

1.  Take the number of votes cast so far by a county
2.  Divide by the number of precincts reporting for that county
3.  This gives you avg. number of votes per precinct for that county

I know this is flawed, stay with me.

4.  Take number of outstanding precincts for that county
5.  Multiply by  the avg. number of votes per precinct for that county
6.  This gives you potential outstanding votes to be counted

I know this is flawed, stay with me.

7.  Take percentage of vote gained by each candidate in that county and multiply by outstanding votes
8.  Add those to the votes already counted for that county.

I know this is flawed, stay with me, we’re almost done.

9.  Add them all up again.
10.  Admit your flaws:

A.  avg. number of votes per county is not good estimate of actual outstanding votes of uncounted precincts
B.  outstanding votes don’t take into account absentee ballots
C.  Percentage of votes captured in counted precincts may not be good predictor of uncounted precinct splits

So what?  There’s hope if you are a Kloppenburg supporter

Kloppenburg 811,510     Prosser 790,698

[Winner:   Kloppenburg by 20,812 votes or 1.3%]

That’s the best I can offer with my Frankenstein election analysis.  I’ve shown my work below.

County	Precincts	D. Prosser (i)	J. Kloppenburg	difference	Precincts Pending	avg votes per precinct	pending precints x avg votes per precinct	total projected votes Prosser	total projected votes Kloppenburg
Total	3596/3630	733,074	732,489	585				790,698	811,510
		50%	50%	0	34
Adams	20/20	2,393	2,559	-166				2,393	2,559
		48%	52%	0	0
Ashland	22/28	1,037	2,504	-1,467		161	966	1,317	3,190
		29%	71%	0	6
Barron	36/36	4,707	4,640	67				4,707	4,640
		50%	50%	0	0
Bayfield	28/28	1,904	3,823	-1,919				1,904	3,823
		33%	67%	0	0
Brown	88/88	33,319	27,206	6,113				33,319	27,206
		55%	45%	0	0
Buffalo	23/23	1,684	1,604	80				1,684	1,604
		51%	49%	0	0
Burnett	24/24	1,932	1,675	257				1,932	1,675
		54%	46%	0	0
Calumet	39/39	7,498	4,642	2,856				7,498	4,642
		62%	38%	0	0
Chippewa	46/46	6,856	7,226	-370				6,856	7,226
		49%	51%	0	0
Clark	64/64	4,335	3,101	1,234				4,335	3,101
		58%	42%	0	0
Columbia	39/39	7,302	8,959	-1,657				7,302	8,959
		45%	55%	0	0
Crawford	25/27	1,689	2,428	-739				1,689	2,428
		41%	59%	0	2
Dane	247/248	48,627	133,513	-84,886		8,279	8279	50,862	139,557
		27%	73%	0	1
Dodge	55/55	13,373	8,519	4,854				13,373	8,519
		61%	39%	0	0
Door	32/32	5,183	4,633	550				5,183	4,633
		53%	47%	0	0
Douglas	31/31	3,814	8,674	-4,860				3,814	8,674
		31%	69%	0	0
Dunn	38/40	3,790	4,649	-859		384	767	4,135	5,071
		45%	55%	0	2
Eau Claire	61/61	11,214	15,688	-4,474				11,214	15,688
		42%	58%	0	0
Florence	08-Aug	799	483	316				799	483
		62%	38%	0	0
Fond du Lac	77/77	16,243	10,390	5,853				16,243	10,390
		61%	39%	0	0
Forest	18/18	1,531	1,196	335				1,531	1,196
		56%	44%	0	0
Grant	52/52	4,396	5,697	-1,301				4,396	5,697
		44%	56%	0	0
Green	24/24	4,872	5,845	-973				4,872	5,845
		45%	55%	0	0
Green Lake	16/16	3,778	2,049	1,729				3,778	2,049
		65%	35%	0	0
Iowa	35/35	2,378	3,812	-1,434				2,378	3,812
		38%	62%	0	0
Iron	19/19	760	937	-177				760	937
		45%	55%	0	0
Jackson	30/30	2,224	2,686	-462				2,224	2,686
		45%	55%	0	0
Jefferson	40/41	12,860	9,365	3,495		1,010	1010	13,446	9,789
		58%	42%	0	1
Juneau	28/29	2,337	2,546	-209		222	222	2,444	2,661
		48%	52%	0	1
Kenosha	99/99	13,794	15,803	-2,009				13,794	15,803
		47%	53%	0	0
Kewaunee	14/14	3,331	2,404	927				3,331	2,404
		58%	42%	0	0
La Crosse	42/42	12,114	17,369	-5,255				12,114	17,369
		41%	59%	0	0
Lafayette	32/32	2,034	2,199	-165				2,034	2,199
		48%	52%	0	0
Langlade	27/27	2,668	1,895	773				2,668	1,895
		58%	42%	0	0
Lincoln	25/25	3,575	3,542	33				3,575	3,542
		50%	50%	0	0
Manitowoc	42/42	12,211	7,752	4,459				12,211	7,752
		61%	39%	0	0
Marathon	140/140	17,131	14,823	2,308				17,131	14,823
		54%	46%	0	0
Marinette	30/30	4,980	4,082	898				4,980	4,082
		55%	45%	0	0
Marquette	19/19	2,220	1,726	494				2,220	1,726
		56%	44%	0	0
Menominee	01-Jan	141	241	-100				141	241
		37%	63%	0	0
Milwaukee	474/486	95,129	125,090	-29,961		10,010	120119	146,780	193,558
		43%	57%	0	12
Monroe	34/34	4,511	4,689	-178				4,511	4,689
		49%	51%	0	0
Oconto	29/29	5,199	3,852	1,347				5,199	3,852
		57%	43%	0	0
Oneida	29/29	5,515	5,135	380				5,515	5,135
		52%	48%	0	0
Outagamie	95/95	24,775	18,885	5,890				24,775	18,885
		57%	43%	0	0
Ozaukee	48/48	20,811	8,278	12,533				20,811	8,278
		72%	28%	0	0
Pepin	11-Nov	888	983	-95				888	983
		47%	53%	0	0
Pierce	28/28	4,053	4,905	-852				4,053	4,905
		45%	55%	0	0
Polk	36/36	4,663	4,439	224				4,663	4,439
		51%	49%	0	0
Portage	38/38	8,111	12,039	-3,928				8,111	12,039
		40%	60%	0	0
Price	26/26	2,165	2,025	140				2,165	2,025
		52%	48%	0	0
Racine	63/63	28,204	22,518	5,686				28,204	22,518
		56%	44%	0	0
Richland	33/33	1,803	2,180	-377				1,803	2,180
		45%	55%	0	0
Rock	87/87	14,626	22,145	-7,519				14,626	22,145
		40%	60%	0	0
Rusk	33/33	2,220	1,941	279				2,220	1,941
		53%	47%	0	0
Sauk	31/39	6,166	7,625	-1,459		627	5015	8,423	10,383
		45%	55%	0	8
Sawyer	21/21	2,120	2,059	61				2,120	2,059
		51%	49%	0	0
Shawano	43/43	5,535	3,550	1,985				5,535	3,550
		61%	39%	0	0
Sheboygan	58/58	19,531	11,407	8,124				19,531	11,407
		63%	37%	0	0
St. Croix	43/43	8,272	7,953	319				8,272	7,953
		51%	49%	0	0
Taylor	29/30	3,602	2,266	1,336		267	267	3,765	2,370
		61%	39%	0	1
Trempealeau	26/26	2,878	3,330	-452				2,878	3,330
		46%	54%	0	0
Vernon	33/33	3,578	4,307	-729				3,578	4,307
		45%	55%	0	0
Vilas	15/15	4,204	2,820	1,384				4,204	2,820
		60%	40%	0	0
Walworth	40/40	14,233	8,929	5,304				14,233	8,929
		61%	39%	0	0
Washburn	25/25	2,275	2,453	-178				2,275	2,453
		48%	52%	0	0
Washington	38/38	30,788	9,903	20,885				30,788	9,903
		76%	24%	1	0
Waukesha	198/198	81,255	29,332	51,923				81,255	29,332
		73%	27%	0	0
Waupaca	38/38	7,204	4,938	2,266				7,204	4,938
		59%	41%	0	0
Waushara	26/26	3,394	2,300	1,094				3,394	2,300
		60%	40%	0	0
Winnebago	76/76	19,488	18,054	1,434				19,488	18,054
		52%	48%	0	0
Wood	56/56	8,844	9,274	-430				8,844	9,274
		49%	51%	0	0

My Story of Moh

I once met a Pakistani cab driver in Calgary, who described three principles of Islam that he followed as a husband, a father, and a Muslim.  I found he gave me a key to a question that I was struggling with at the time, as I transitioned from a career in the arts to…well that was the point, I didn’t know.

Moh, as he asked to be called, told me that in order to live a good life you must do three things:

1.  Contribute to the learning/enlightenment of the people.  As Moh described it, you should contribute your knowledge and inspiration to a book, a poem, a learned paper, or some work of art or science.  It could be ephemeral like a speech or a garden, but it should contribute to the learning or enlightenment of people after you were gone.

2.  Make a good work to benefit others. It is important that it is lasting, like a building or a school, or a bridge or a well.  It picks up where the first thing leaves off.  Whereas the first thing is mental, the second thing is physical.  It should be something that you do either by the work of your hands or at the very least the proceeds of your work if you are unable to physically do it.  Build a house, contribute to the building of a school on the other side of the planet, whatever. It should be something you can point to and say “I did that.”

3.  Make the world a better place through your children.  Raise good children.  Teach the well. Love them and guide them to be good people.  Make of them a legacy of your life, and that of your father, and his father before him. Show them the proper way to live and care for others and their world.  Pour into them all that you have learned and your hopes for a better world.

Funny how things can become crystal clear if you are open to them being revealed to you. I think that Moh and I were fortunate to meet each other and I was open enough to hear his words in a way that answered my question, “What now?” I am open to chance as well as fate, or even the divine.  Perhaps it was a simple as Moh giving a blank which I could hammer into a key, but I’m very thankful to have met him when I did.

His words lead me to some clarity:

1.  I spent 20 years bringing art into the world. I have produced hundreds of plays, musicals, dances and operas.  I have been a part of at least four wholly new works (world premieres): Bode-wad-mi, a story of the Potawatomi people; Ballymore, an opera based on Irishman Brian Friel’s play “Winners/Losers”; the operatic version of The Little Prince; and Lillian Alling, the opera story of an incredible woman who history nearly forgot.  There are many more, but those stick in my mind now.

2.  I remember my childhood friend’s father Carl was a bricklayer his entire life. He told my dad once that he didn’t particularly like his job, but he was good at it, and when he was done, he could point to a house or a building and say “I made that”, which made him very proud.  Carl, in his retirement years, became an accomplished painter, with a number of his works hanging in my parents’ home.  My father, in his retirement has taken up making wooden toys, much to the delight of his grandchildren.  I’ve spent little time on creating a lasting good work with my hands, nor am I a significant contributor to a capital campaign. Perhaps there is a 20 year portion of my life where that will be possible. Perhaps it is now.

3.  I understand from my parents that raising good children is a life-long task.  If so, my wife and I gladly accept it.  For our part, we are of a means and disposition to both conceive and adopt children, and so we have done so. We firmly believe that “mom” and “dad” and “family” are verbs, and that bonds between parents and children and made, not ordained. I earn my right to be called “dad” through my actions, and I hope to make a good impression on my children through those actions as well. Our children are the joint creation of my wife and I, and I can only offer my opinion that so far we are doing fairly well.  I am proud of both my children for their kindness and love they show others.

So thank you Moh, wherever you are tonight.  Safe travels and good wishes to you and your family my friend.

You provided me with far more than a ride from the airport that night.

I’m Not Batman

As often as little girls are trapped in the princess story, little boys get trapped in the prince story. To be self-sufficient and come to the rescue gets built into little boys at an early age.  Two things recently made me look at myself and see that was true of me too.

I heard a woman named Cherry Smiley speak recently about the need for aboriginal women’s voices to be heard in the debate on laws related to prostitution.  Her comment, in a nutshell was, “I don’t need space or a voice from you, you’re in my space. Get out, shut up, and listen.”  Any thought that she needed my help was immediately dispersed.

I listened to Michelle Miller talk about my motivation to get involved in assisting her group REED.  She pointed out that many volunteers come to her with good intentions to “save” people. Sometimes that motivation is grounded in religious belief, sometimes it is grounded in personal trauma, but just as often it is grounded in the “prince” myth.

Riding to the rescue is a pretty powerful motivator. I mean, who doesn’t want to be a hero? The problem, of course, is when the real world includes villains disguised as heroes, and victims who look like criminals.

I’m not Batman. I am just a man with certain skills that might be useful to those fighting the darkness. I’m hoping not to put those skills to use, but to make myself available to those who can use them. I hope to turn my desire to save into an empty bowl  into which good things can be put for the benefit of others.

That’s not likely to sell many comic books. I’ll leave that to the Caped Crusader.