In 1982 the Best Rock Instrumental Performance Award went to the Police for “Behind My Camel”.
I turned off the TV and haven’t watched them since. Until tonight.
Now back in 1982 I was a huge Police fan, in the process of amassing every known recording released in the US by any member of the band. As such, I knew what a comlete piece of sh*t this recording was. (Wikipedia actually has a great entry on this song to tell you why) Ever since then, I’ve held my own private boycott of the Grammys (or the Grannys, I always told myself). Hardly a hipster or a musicologiest and probably the saddest, furthest thing from Nick Hornby when it comes to music, it was my own little vestige of what I considered musical “authenticity” to boycott this extravaganza.
So pure was my disdain for this show and these awards that I kept it secret, purifying and filtering it into a fine, clear, bracing shotglass of self-importance each year.
Intoxicated with the belief that I was above it all, and reinforced by my awareness that, at 40 years of age, I was clearly outside the target demographic, I deigned to watch it this year — if for no other reason than to keep my ailing wife company for a few hours.
Now I am a Grade A a-hole when I don’t like what I see on TV; commenting on it, trash talking it, and basically being a lame version of MST3000 for TV shows. Taking pity on my wife, and having learned over the last 20 years of our marriage that she’s got a mean right jab, I bit my tongue down to a nub while I watched tonight.
You know, I alwasy kind of figured I was full of it on this one; that the Grammys were probably just fine and that I was just being a putz to avoid them. And that was Ok with me. I’m infamous in my own mind for my flexibility of opinion on most things, so a stongly held one on something as trivial as the Grammys seemed a modest allowance to my ego.
Jeez, I gotta tell you, I may have been wrong. I really should have live blogged tonight, but I was too engrossed in watching Bhangra videos on youtube as a way to escape the drivel of filler between the mastication and masturbation that took place tonight.
Yo, the highlight of the night for me was Radiohead and the HS Band. When that is the most interesting thing on the national annual music awards show, you are SKRUD (with an umlaut).
Some telling moments:
Realizing that Stevie Wonder is going the way Sinatra did in his last years – singing with anyone. And that Stevie can make any piece of crap sound interesting.
Noting that when Blink 182 announced they were back together, they were hit by a sonic wave of indifference from the audience.
Not arguing when my wife asked “Jesus what is this has-been night? When LL Cool J and some puffy white boy started introing an award.
Seriously, they put Miley Cyrus and taylor-sweetheart-19-year-old-country-western-star together for a number. Seriously? Why? Because they were both dumped by a Jonas brother? If Miley Cyrus could chew her “R’s” anymore, she’d sound like Natasha from Bullwinkle and Rocky.
Laughing out loud at “I kissed a girl” Katy Perry because I’m not entirely sure her Tropicana Show girl meets Chiquita Bannana, meets Spinal tap number was tounge-in-her-cheek. I think there is a sponsorship just waiting to happen there. I found a parody during her song which I found funnier.
PS: Etta James can kick Beyonce’s ass anyday. I mean look at her. She would EAT Beyonce, Etta has had lunches bigger than that.
Sorry, rambling. OK, the Grammys are given out by the “academy” and you have to be a member, and most of the members are old white guys and studio musicians from LA and NYC. But COME ON.
The American Idol loser was good, but does she sing anything but ballads? I know her personal situation, but that was so obviously a “let’s get Jennifer back in the game” moment that it lost credibility.
How many things is Jusin Timberlake doing tonight? He’s in danger of being the Bob Hope of the Grammys.
OMG OMG Adele the Chasing Pavements girl won. She’s chewing gum. OMG she’s not spitting or swallowing. She’s giving her speech with it…thank God they are cutting away. she’s done. NO! She’s chowing on it like a beaver with a woodchip as she exits the stage! AHHHH!!!! Now I know I’m old when that kind of sh’t bothers me.
BTW, who’s that 40 year old version of Taylor Swift they let sing a duo(Sugarloaf)? And then she comes on to match pitch with Adele on her song? What the hell? Damn, I’d love to see the music director’s face on that one. Gregor Buhl would have totally lost his sh#t with that singing.
The only thing we’ve got going for us is that Best New Artist Award is the kiss of death.
OO OO BC Nurses association just ran an commercial to recruit new nurses, and in it they have a shot of a guy lying on a gurney IN AN EMPTY HALLWAY!!!! Yes, rockin’ that Canadian healthcare people!
WOW – OK, M.I.A. is up for a Grammy for Paper Planes — somebody had some guts at least – ‘OLY CRIPES SHE’S HUUUGE!!! She can barely stand, and oh dear, oh my, she looks like a junebug. Great, now I’ve got that image in my head and can’t get it out, my mind just blanked out what the hell that conglomeration was that was being sung by her and jayzee and jeebus and whoever hell the rest of them were. Here’s hoping that they were all trained in Lamaze.
Hey look Sir Paul McCartney! Talk about irrelevant. Did you notice the stuffed animal on one of the amps? That’s not rock and roll! Dave Grohl was drumming his credibility away with each tap. I mean is that necessary? Aside from his phenomenally bad taste in women, Paul’s last contribution to pop culture was in 1973! Thirty-five years ago (in Grammy years)!!!
For the sake of drilling that point home: Kanye West wasn’t even BORN until 1977. Maybe beign in the presence of royalty accounts for his nervous, stilted, (just don’t forget the lyrics) performance with Estelle who needed help getting to the center platform by some nice middle aged woman in the audience.
WAIT A MINUTE THE TIME MACHINE IS STUCK IN REVERSE…. It’s Neil Diamond!!!! The T-Rex of pop music look swell preserved, but come on. What’s the point? If you’re going to put Neil on, you gotta do it int he first 30 minutes! For God’s sake, some of us need to get to bed! I say Neil’s target demographic, which is even older than me, tuned out a long time ago from this show — Neil’s preachin’ to an empty choir loft baby.
More point drilling. When Neil Diamond was born, Japan hadn’t attacked Pearl Harbor yet.
Oh wait, Robert Plant and Allison Kraus are singing some crap – where is that wind machine coming from to waft through the silken hair of robert, er Allison? It’s probably the exhalations of the snoozing radio execs from the urban mix stations left over from the Lil’ Wayne performance. Couldn’t escape fast enough and dozed off too soon.
OMFG you have to be kidding me. Radiohead lost to Roberrt “Im not a vegetable yet” Plant.
Quick Robin! Back to cave of self-rightousness!!! Stevie Wonder play us out…..